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bald girl big world colleens alo
Patient Stories, Podcast

Bald Girl Big World: Colleen’s Alopecia Story

2 weeks ago
80 min read
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Summary:

What’s it like to suddenly go bald at age 22? In this episode, Cheryl interviews Colleen Kydd, who speaks candidly about living with autoimmune alopecia.  She shares how she went from covering her baldness with wigs to confidently, unapologetically embracing her identity as a “bald girl in a big world!” Colleen shares how she managed her alopecia in the corporate world, dating life, world travels and new role as an entrepreneur.

Throughout the episode, Cheryl and Colleen discuss acceptance, self compassion, and the crucial importance of connecting with others when we’re struggling.  Cheryl and Colleen reflect on the transformative power of  storytelling, and the importance of pursuing a meaningful life amidst the challenges of chronic illness.

Episode at a glance:

  • Diagnosis journey: Colleen shares how she was diagnosed with alopecia at 22 years old. She explains that it is an autoimmune condition, that there are different types of alopecia, and that it can affect people differently.
  • Community and Support: Cheryl and Colleen emphasize the importance of finding a supportive community of individuals who understand and empathize with their experiences, providing emotional support and encouragement. 
  • Self-Compassion: They discuss the universality of suffering and the value of self-compassion in facing adversity
  • Self-Acceptance and Empowerment: Colleen views her alopecia as a unique aspect of herself that has shaped her identity. Cheryl echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance and finding strength in one’s vulnerabilities.
  • Personal Growth and Entrepreneurship: They discuss their journeys of personal growth and entrepreneurship, highlighting the role of authenticity, service, and resilience in pursuing fulfillment beyond their health challenges.
  • The Power of Storytelling: Both Cheryl and Colleen reflect on the transformative power of storytelling, whether through books, podcasts, or personal narratives, in facilitating self-discovery, empathy, and connection.
  • Mindfulness and Well-being: Cheryl and Colleen share insights into mindfulness practices, emphasizing the importance of presence, gratitude, and holistic well-being in fostering resilience and joy in everyday life.

Medical disclaimer: 

All content found on Arthritis Life public channels was created for generalized informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Episode Sponsors

Rheum to THRIVE, an online course and support program Cheryl created to help people with rheumatic disease go from overwhelmed, confused and alone to confident, supported and connected. See all the details and join the program or waitlist now! 

Speaker Bios:

Colleen Kydd 

I lost my hair when I was 22 in 30 days out of no where, after being in an out of doctors for months it was deemed Alopecia and I was told it was an auto immune disease but they had not information on why or how and there is no cure. I found a strength I had never known and embraced the bald, it changed my life and has taught me so much I am grateful for my hair loss! I have a passion for travel, I quit my job and left everything behind to travel solo with a backpack when I was 28 years old, I was gone for 2 years. When I arrived back I decided to change my life and pursue my passions. I started my own business and have been on the journey of becoming a business owner the last two years! I have a passion for guiding and helping others with mindset!

Cheryl Crow

Cheryl is an occupational therapist who has lived with rheumatoid arthritis for nineteen years. Her life passion is helping others with rheumatoid arthritis figure out how to live a full life despite arthritis, by developing tools to navigate physical, emotional and social challenges. She formed the educational company Arthritis Life in 2019 after seeing a huge need for more engaging, accessible, and (dare I say) FUN patient education and self-management resources.

Full Episode Transcript:

Cheryl Crow:

So I’m so excited today to have Colleen Kydd on the Arthritis Life podcast. Welcome, Colleen.

Colleen Kydd:

Thank you. Thanks, Cheryl. I’m super excited to be here too.

Cheryl Crow:

Yay. So just to start off, where do you live and what is your relationship to autoimmune disease?

Colleen Kydd:

Sure. So I live in Fort Myers, Florida. So we’re down here on the Gulf Coast of Florida, Southern Florida, followed my parents down here. I’m originally from the Midwest, but life in the sun was the way to go for me and my relationship to autoimmune is I have alopecia, which is why I don’t have any hair. And that is considered to be an autoimmune disease.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah. Yes. Thank you. And you are the first person I’ve interviewed for this podcast that has alopecia, and it’s something that’s gotten a lot more, I think, at least my observation, a lot more media awareness with certain celebrities having it. But just for people who don’t know, what is alopecia and what is your diagnosis story? How did you get diagnosed?

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah, for sure. No, it’s funny. It has gotten more popularity or more awareness because of the Will Smith, Jada Pickett Smith situation, which is so funny. I remember I woke up that day, whatever, I didn’t watch whatever award show it was, but the next morning my phone blew up, and then I think that’s when a lot of people heard about it, which was funny.

But so what alopecia is, is it’s so funny because they kind of really don’t know a lot about it, so they don’t know why it happens. It doesn’t happen in a certain group of people or type of person. It’s not genetic. It just is. And what alopecia literally means is the loss of hair.

So people could lose their hair from different things. There are certain defined diseases that people lose their hair from or grows back, stuff like that. For me, they don’t know what caused it.

So I have alopecia and they say it’s an autoimmune disease, and I’m 35 years old right now, and my hair fell out when I was 22, or that’s when I got my diagnosis. And it happened really fast. It was wild. It was my senior year of college. I was in the library, remember studying for finals in Ohio. It was freezing. So those cotton gloves and your hair gets stuck to your clothes. I just was, I just feel like my hair is falling out more than normal. It is just everywhere. And I was just like, huh?

And then I found this little bald spot at the crown of my head, and I was at the library and I went into the bathroom and looked at it, and then I noticed there was a bunch of hair that was stuck to my back. And I was just like, I really think my hair is falling out.

I called my mom, she’s like, oh, I’m sure you’re just imagining it. But no, 30 days later I had no hair. So my hair fell out super rapidly within 30 days. The month of December in 2010, when I was 22 years old, that was alarming. I didn’t know what was happening. I was actually setting off to do a ten day ski trip with the ski club that winter. So I went on that and I didn’t really have many friends going on that, so was very, my hair was all rapidly falling out. I didn’t really know anybody, I didn’t know what was going on.

It was 2010, so you can’t take to your phone. You can now and find stuff, or even take real pictures. It just didn’t, there’s no community. So that was that. And I got home and I showed my mom and my sister and they were like, oh my God, you are not, you weren’t lying. Where is your hair? And

Cheryl Crow:

Is that including all the hair, like your eyebrows and eyelashes and everything? Is that right?

Colleen Kydd:

So super great question. So there’s actually three tiers of alopecia. Okay. There is alopecia universalis, which is like, there is not a hair to be found on your body. There is not an eyelash. There’s not an inside nose hair, there is nothing that’s called universalis. And then there is alopecia areata, which is when people just lose spots of hair. That’s called areata. And then there’s alopecia, which is all the hair from your scalp falls out.

And so that was what I had was, but I’ll say it has ebbed and flowed the whole relationships. My eyelashes fell out 10 years later for the first time my eyebrows are gone. I don’t have a lot of hair. I’m almost universal, but not so it’s super random.

Cheryl Crow:

Okay, okay. No, that’s really good to know. So there’s a spectrum of severity, just like with many other autoimmune and mysterious conditions where they’re not really sure why this happens, but it’s usually, not everyone has the exact same experience, there’s different, levels.

So yeah, I cannot imagine how surreal that must have felt. Did you go to the doctor, or what kind of doctor? Do you go to the dermatologist or do you go to the rheumatologist? I’m just so curious.

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah, so I mean, we had no idea. So the first step was just family, doctor, general doctor, Hey, what is up? Hi. And yeah, hi. Excuse me. And I believe where I was pointed to is the dermatologist. It was go to the dermatologist skin condition. So I went to the dermatologist and really it was like three to five months maybe of that in and out of different doctors, go here, go there. This test, that test, really trying to see if they could come up with a reason of why my hair may have started to fall out, fallen out so rapidly. They’re testing thyroid, they’re testing everything. It’s like very discovery.

So it was very not fun. Obviously, they can’t give you answers. They’re poking and prodding you everywhere and shuffling you around. And really at the end of those three months, whatever it was, I honestly can’t recall, the conclusion was: you are fine. You are healthy, you lost your hair. We call it alopecia, and it is an autoimmune disease. We don’t know why it happens. There is no treatment really for it. You can try some of these experimental things, but that is what we have for you. And so that is what I was given.

Cheryl Crow:

And so at such a young age, what was the coping process of the mental emotional side?

Colleen Kydd:

Well, first I remember, yes, I was devastated. And you’re 22, you’re in college. I was having the time of my life. I loved college. I already had my job after school lined up. And you really just, you’re young and you’re finding your confidence anyways, so that was tough.

A lot of it went to my mind of what will my friends think? What will boys think? I’m never going to get a boyfriend. No boy’s going to like me. When you hear men talk sometimes you’ll hear, oh, I like blondes. I like brunettes. I’m like, what about me? So that, to be honest, that is where my, that’s where 22-year-old mind for sure went. I think

Cheryl Crow:

That’s how most people imagine they would feel in that situation.

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah, I just felt really on display. I felt like I look so different than everyone else. When am I going to tell people how am I going to hide this? Am I going to hide this forever? Is this going to develop into something different? I think the unknown was really, really causing a lot of that angst. And if this could happen, could something else happen to me?

That – I did feel fortunate that at the end of the day, I didn’t have pain. I did not have physical pain. There was nothing that they were like, this is something that you’re going to have to feel and be wrong with you. It was very much an emotional pain. So I felt grateful for that. But that’s sometimes a harder pain too. Just depends. And so I was just really, really confused

Cheryl Crow:

And you hit on my number one cause of anxiety while living with autoimmune conditions, which is the unknown. The unknown. We’re recording this the day after I got back from my 20 year college reunion. So I’ve been definitely, and I was 21 when I was diagnosed. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, and I realized I was talking to someone else who’s actually been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in the 20 years since I knew her in college. I was, anyway, long, long story.

But to relate to the unknown was realizing that learning to cope with the unknown or understanding that there are things out of my control and that life is not a project that I can excel at and get an A at just by figuring it all out life. You know what I mean? Part of it’s just riding the waves. My therapist calls them the waves of uncertainty.

That was one of the, not to sugarcoat it, but that’s been one of the gifts of chronic illness to me. I learned at a young age that, wow, life is going to involve unknowns, period. Whereas most times, you were saying before that, I’m guessing you might’ve been like me, where you’re just kind of like, okay, I’ll just figure everything out. I’m invincible and optimistic!

And anyway, so yeah, I think it’s really hard and, I wonder how it was, explaining – I think explaining the unknowns and the fact that it doesn’t have a cure can be one of the hardest part to explain that to other people. Like, oh, well, isn’t there a supplement you can take? Or Isn’t there a medication for alopecia? Or isn’t there, have you tried this? Have you tried that? Was that hard? To other people’s reactions to you explaining your diagnosis can sometimes be the most stressful part. Was that your experience?

Colleen Kydd:

Oh yeah, for sure. That was my experience, experiences, I’ve had different experiences. A lot of people don’t know what alopecia is. They don’t now. They certainly didn’t like then too.

So people almost didn’t have an opinion. They hadn’t heard of it before, so they didn’t know what to say. And that was almost hard too, because they don’t know what to say. And I walk into a room and they can see it. They can’t miss it. I don’t have hair.

Cheryl Crow:

And that’s different for an invisible, they often talk about chronic pain conditions and the autoimmune diseases that cause chronic pain are very, in my case, mild deformities that have very slowly occurred that only a trained eye could notice, that it’s mostly in a invisible condition. You have a complete opposite where there’s a complete visual – it is visible and – sorry, so yeah, I’m just echoing that.

I think there’s almost like I’m imagining a pressure on you when you meet someone new to be like, hi, I’m Colleen. Instead of just going into interacting with them about whatever it is that you’re connecting on, whether it’s a group project in school or whatever, you’re like, this is why I look like this. Anyway, let’s move on. Because otherwise you wonder when you’re talking to them, are they thinking about the whole time? Are they thinking that I have cancer? Sorry, I’m putting all these words in your mouth. I’m just projecting or imagining what I would’ve felt.

Colleen Kydd:

No, I mean, you’re spot on. So that is exactly what it’s like. And so I got a wig that was a whole identity crisis, putting on wigs. I did that. I went back to college. I wore a wig, but I got really about nine or 12 months into that. And I told my close girlfriends, slowly it started to come out. My guy friends had no idea. And they’re like, oh, you got a haircut? I’m like, my hair looked completely different.

Cheryl Crow:

Totally.

Colleen Kydd:

Is there something different about you? And then I had an incident where I played co-ed soccer at college, and I got knocked over and my wig fell off in the middle of the whole court, whatever it’s called, the whole field. And oh my gosh, you’ve never heard silence any louder. It was just silent. The ref was silent. The whole indoor soccer field was silent, and I could just see my wig laying next to me.

And I just got up, picked it up, went off to the sideline. And that was really tough. But I think that none of my male friends knew at the time on my team. That was really tough. But I think that kind of gave me some courage to just be like, am I going to hide behind this my whole life?

And one of my dear friends texted me after his name’s Miguel, and he was like, Hey, Colleen, I just want to let you know we love you and you’re beautiful no matter what.

And that was kind of what I needed. And I woke up one day and I was talking about control. I’m like, am I going to let this control me or am I going to control how I feel about it? And I took pictures of myself with no hair. I posted them on Facebook. I don’t think I had an Instagram at the time.

I posted them on Facebook and just said, Hey, this is me. This is what it is. And I’m just going to choose to live a life where I use this as a blessing and a vehicle to breed more confidence in my life than I am going to the other way. And I think that was a big turning point for me. And it wasn’t like I decided this and I was good. I decided this, and now I’m forced to go this way.

And the more that I kind of acted like I was great with it, the more that I acted confident about it, the more that I became confident, because I really learned that however you feel about something, whatever energy you show up to in a conversation, that person’s going to feel the same way about it. If I’m nervous to talk about it and I’m scared and I’m hiding things, they’re going to feel like they can’t talk to me. And then it’s going to be weird.

But if I’m like, Hey, this is me. I have alopecia, blah, blah, blah, they’re going to be like, wow, you’re so brave. And then they start to look up to you. And it just unlocked all these different opportunities from learning that lesson that I’ve used in my life going forward. And there’s things that I’ve done that I would’ve never been able to do if I didn’t lose my hair.

Cheryl Crow:

And I was thinking about this concept that I learned in grad school about ‘mood contagion’ or ’emotional contagion’ and how our emotions and our moods as social animals, human, they are contagious. And you’re so right.

And just at my reunion, there was somebody who gave a talk and he referred to the mirror neurons that actually mirror each other’s emotions as well, which was so fascinating. So I totally imagine that as you are explaining this to someone, they’re like you said, they didn’t know what to say, and initially when you didn’t know what to say, they didn’t know what to say. No one knows what to say. So if you took control of the narrative and were like, I’m going to set this tone, and then they’re mirroring that, and it just almost gives them an emotional or social script to go on.

And I still struggle with that as a friend, as a coworker, as when I encounter someone else who’s just gotten a diagnosis because I want to validate the suffering that they might be going through. But I also want to reflect back whatever emotion they’re looking for at the time. Some people want you to give it to ’em. Tell me straight and validate that this sucks. Don’t just sugarcoat.

I remember when I was a new mom, people had come over, they’d be like, you’re doing so well! And I was like, ‘You’re not seeing me. I am not doing well. I am dying emotionally. Why are you saying I’m doing– you’re saying I’m doing well. I think you can tell I’m not doing well, and you’re trying to make me feel better by saying I’m doing well, but now I don’t feel validated.’

I want you to say, ‘You look like you feel like shit. And what can I do to help?’ As opposed to, you’re doing great! Anyway. It’s so complicated to know how to respond, what the person’s going to want. People probably ask you, what should you say to somebody who is just diagnosed with alopecia? It’s probably going to completely depend on who the person is, right?

Colleen Kydd:

It’s going to depend on who the person is and where they’re at with it and what they are asking for. And I think I’ve always been good at this, and I think that having alopecia has really enhanced my depth to be like this. But I am typically good about just reading somebody and seeing what they need from me in that, and then mirroring it back. Because I’ve learned about the mirroring neurons too. And what you see in me is what I see in you and things like that. And it really is so true.

And I can just also, I think a lot of it too is let that person empty out their cup before you even go and try to fill it up anyway. So let them talk before you even insert yourself. You know what I mean?

Cheryl Crow:

Oh, I am working on that. Yeah. I’m like, you just hit a nail on the head that I’m working on in my life, even on a podcast where I’m like, this is your time to interview, this person. I still have. I am learning. I’m a work in progress. But yeah, I think that’s a really, really good, really good point.

I think I used to work with children on the autism spectrum and sometimes help with social skills and what to say, and you don’t know what to say. And I remember one of these books that we read was either add a thought or ask a question. Those are two things you can say when you don’t know what to say.

And I think a lot of times with a newly diagnosed person, it’s ask a question, how’s it been going? Is anything going well? Is anything hard?

So I want to go back to your transformation towards acceptance. Personally, acceptance has gone 180 from a bad word to a good word for me or a essential word. I might not feel good about it that day, but it is crucial to my mental health that acceptance is part of my everyday life. I had to get there through therapy, and that’s okay. I’m not saying it’s good or bad, but did you figure this all out on your own? How did you become so emotionally healthy?

Colleen Kydd:

That is such a good question because sometimes I look back and I, I struggle with how I got there because I know I didn’t have anyone to look up to. I didn’t know anybody else with alopecia. I didn’t really lean on anybody.

I think that I’ve always been fiercely independent since I was a kid. That is just how I was. And I think that’s a great thing. And I also think it’s a detriment. Oftentimes, your greatest strengths are also a detriment to you. So I think that that really helped me. And I think it was sheer willpower of like, I am going to do this. I’m going to prove that I can do this.

And I just was pissed. I just woke up one day and I’m like, I’m going to let this go. And I really kind of had to fake it. And then I really started to see how other people were receiving it, and that was all I needed.

And then I saw that, and you’ve experienced this when you have something that you share and that you’re vulnerable about, and mine’s so heavily visibly on display, people are going to feel safe with me. They are going to feel like they can tell me whatever it is that is their cross to bear. It’s not alopecia. Most of the times, it’s whatever. It doesn’t even have to be an illness. It could just be an emotional thing that they’re going through. Whatever it is, they feel that since I’m so strong, they view me as so strong and whatnot, that they can sit there and open up to me. And so that is when I really found the gift in it. And when I found the gift in it, I focused on that because I just learned, I don’t know where I learned it, to be honest, Cheryl.

It was just, maybe I’m just gifted and it was in me. You know what I mean? It was just a gift from God that I got. But I have learned through alopecia, I found a way to learn that where you focus is who you are. So where you put your focus is going to be who you are. It’s going to be how you feel. So I’ve learned that I can really control my emotions. Easier said than done, but I can control my emotions by where I focus. If I focus on this lane over here, I’m going to feel that I’m going to experience that. If I focus over here on the negative, I’m going to feel that I’m going to experience that, and I’m going to attract that.

And so I wanted to attract the good things, and that is just where it is. And I think when anything happens to you, no matter how severe it is, there is always a gift in it if you want it, if you choose to take it and if you choose to focus on it. And I just was able to learn that. And then I’ve just run with it, and it’s been strengthened by every downturn that’s happened to me in my life. I remember that. And I’m able to get over it quicker. It’s been proven time and time again.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah, so I have evidence. Yeah, I was thinking to myself, yeah, I was thinking of, someone contacted me on Instagram. They’re like, they’re having their first flare up. And I’m like, man, it’s so hard on your first one because you don’t know that you’re going to get through it. Now 22 years into this diagnosis, I know that I’m going to get through my, or 21 years, I know that I’m going to get through each flare up. I know it sucks, and I’m going to allow myself to feel my feelings about it.

But anyway, sorry. I was just thinking about that. It’s like, yeah, the first flare ups, “The First Cut is the Deepest,” the Sheryl Crow song. I never normally refer to Sheryl Crow, and I’m sorry, I’m putting you on the spot to be like, I was joking.

There was another person I interviewed, but I was like, there’s this meme of Michael Scott, and he’s talking to Toby, he’s like, “Why are the way you are?” And I’m like, who are, tell me in two minutes how you became this way.

But I think one of, if someone is listening to all the episodes or just a good handful, you’ll see that there are multiple paths to the same place of thriving with a challenging condition. Some people, like in your case, did it on their own. Some people read a book, some people did therapy. Some people did a support group, some did family support, some cried about it and allowed themselves to feel that depression and then came out the other side. There’s just so many, there’s not one path. And so that’s why I ask how you got, because I want others listening to see that there are multiple ways anyway. But

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah, definitely. And I don’t make it to sound like so easy because it, but you do have a choice. Just know that you do have a choice. And I think that when you do go through a flare up or whatever it is that you’re going through, you don’t just sidestep it. You have to feel it. You have to feel it. Because in order to get over it, like the pain, it cannot exist without joy. And joy cannot exist without pain. They both have to exist in order to experience the other. So when you do feel it, you have to feel it. You have to go through it because it’s going to allow you to make your way through that and then get to the other side. So I think to the depth that you can understand how you’re feeling is to the depth that you can heal, really.

Cheryl Crow:

Yes. Yeah. You said the phrase control emotions, which is one, I’ve kind of, again, some people that resonates with, I know my friend Stephanie, the RA coach, she believes that she can control her emotions.

I like to say from my standpoint now, through acceptance and commitment therapy, in my own work, in my head, I say, I can’t control my initial emotions. They are just ephemera that are phenomena that are just my limbic systems saying, blah, I feel blah. I’m feeling angry. I’m feeling frustrated, I feel fearful, anxious, I feel happy. Those are just phenomena, like rain is a phenomenon, but I can control how I respond to them. I could choose how to respond to those initial kind of uncontrollable emotions. And I realized that I think that’s where the freedom is. In, you said, you mentioned choice. You can choose. How do you respond to, do you shame yourself when you feel sad, maybe one day someone says something mean to you about your appearance?

Or for me, it would be like with someone saying, it annoys me how joyful you are about having RA. Some of us have it really bad. Those are the comments actually on social media that get me down. I never want someone to feel worse after looking at my content, but sometimes it does happen because we are all complex, and I can either say, I can either say, oh my gosh, I suck, which is what my brain wants to do. It starts saying like, oh, no, I’m a failure. I just want, but then I can also just be like, Hey, yeah, I’m sad about that because I’m a social being who wants to make everyone happy, and that’s part of my personality. And I have to also allow myself not to get stuck in that emotion and realize that I can’t control their emotions and got to stay in my lane and remember that for everyone, negative comment, there’s five to 10 positive ones.

So yeah, the emotional side is, yeah. And did you ever have the experience of feeling ashamed of your emotions? That was something I had to work through. I remember saying to actually, this was a memory that kind of was evoked from my reunion. I said to one of my mentors at college, I was like, everything in my life is going so well except my health. And I was like, I feel so guilty for feeling bad about my health, because I have an awesome boyfriend and awesome family, and my classes are going well. I love my major, I love my, he’s like, but Cheryl, it’s like essential item vitamins. If you have 150% of all the vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin D, but you have zero or 10% of vitamin K, you’re still going to feel it. And I was like, wow, that stuck with me and allowed me to not feel guilty for feeling bad at times. But did you ever struggle with shaming yourself or shooting yourself, shaming yourself, or have you heard that stop shooting yourself, I should feel better. I shouldn’t feel this way.

Colleen Kydd:

Oh, definitely. I feel like, I don’t know if anybody doesn’t experience that. So absolutely. And I feel like I put a lot of pressure on myself of like, oh, well, you’ve already presented yourself as so strong, so you have to always be so strong. And so, yeah, I do feel shame when I’m, you’re like, you have a podcast, you’ve done all this stuff with the ra, so you can’t ever have any down days. And when you do, you feel bad about it. Totally relate to that because I have my whole blog and I’ve helped so many women who’ve had alopecia, and I’ve been a coach and a mentor. So when I do feel down, but I try to share that too, because if I don’t share that, then they’re going to feel like they have to feel happy all the time, which I know it just doesn’t exist.

So yes, and I do feel that shame sometimes of like, I need to be stronger. I need to feel like this about it. But then I just go back to, okay, we’re all humans having the human experience, and I need to feel that emotion, and then I need to decide what I’m going to do with it. That’s the control part. And the more that I do that, the more I train my brain to do that, the easier it’s going to become each time. And then that’s how you become a different person.

It’s like I turn around and look at myself 15 years ago or whenever it was that I got my diagnosis or even 10 years ago, and I’m like, holy shit, I’m so different now than I was then. Well, it just took that time, and it does take time, and everyone’s timeline, like you mentioned earlier, is different and they arrive in different ways. But the only way I found that I could get that acceptance for myself was talking about it and sharing about it, because human beings are, we are just not meant to be alone in any facet ever. You have to share things so that you feel less alone, feel less alone, and then you’re able to get where you need to go faster, and you’re able to condense time because you’re having these shared experiences with other people, and it’s just going to get better from there.

Cheryl Crow:

That perfectly segues into my next question. You have a really amazing blog and Instagram called Bald Girl, Big World, which you should trademark that. That’s such a great phrase. It sticks in your mind and it’s just, you say on here, I mean, this is congruent with what you already said, but I just really love this part of your bio where you said, when all my hair fell out, I was presented with a choice. I could choose to let this bring me darkness, or I can choose to let it be a light in my life. I thought that, oh, that’s so beautiful. And then, yeah, when you started sharing about your story, sounds like that’s when you started connecting with people and then leading you. Can you tell me a little bit more about what’s it been like to share your story and what have been some of the responses?

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah, it’s been amazing to share my story. I mean, when I said that there’s things that I’ve been able to do because I have alopecia that I wouldn’t have found myself doing, that was one of ’em. Connecting with all these different people or finding that confidence. I was like, okay, if I can do this, then I can move. I moved to Chicago when I was younger on a whim with no job. And then after that I was like, okay, I am unhappy in this job. I’m going to go travel the world. I’m just going to sell all my stuff, pack a backpack, take one way ticket to Mexico, and I want to see the world. I want to have a deeper understanding of the world, a deeper understanding of who I am, who is that? I would never have been able to do that if I hadn’t learned some of the lessons that I learned.

And I ended up being on for two years alone with my backpack, and I came back two years later, but I started this blog when I left. I was like, okay, I’m going to write about this. I had gotten so many women that had reached out to me on social media from seeing me just be without hair and things like that. And they just needed someone to talk to and they needed evidence. They needed evidence that you could be good with it and that you could use it for good. And then they would see me and then they’d write me these emails about how much I’d impacted their life and they were able to do this or that, and I just became obsessed with it. I’m like, this is why I have alopecia so I can help other people with this. And so I wrote that blog and I connected with a lot more people.

And what I was so surprised about Cheryl, and I kind of mentioned this earlier, is how many people it resonated with that didn’t have alopecia that just had whatever it was in their life. It’s like, oh, okay. It doesn’t just have to be this. Again, you can share experiences going through a different product that got you there. And I’ve had people from all over the world reach out. There’s been girls that have decided to go without their wigs because they’ve seen me doing it.

One of my favorite stories is I was in Indonesia just traveling, and this girl messaged me on Instagram. She’s like, hi, I’ve been following you for a while. I’ve never reached out, but I can see that you’re on the same island in Indonesia as me, and I’ve never met anyone with alopecia, and I would just really love to meet you.

I have alopecia too. And I was like, oh my gosh, yes. Where are you? Let’s meet up. And her name was Claire. She’s the exact same age as me. She is British, and she was traveling too. And we met up with her and she was wearing a beautiful blonde wig. And she’s like, I just never met anybody. And we spent two hours talking on the beach and she took off her wig for the first time in public, and the next morning we met up again and she’s like, I woke up this morning and I didn’t worry about putting on my hair when I walked to the bathroom in the hotel. She’s staying at a hostel, so you’re sharing a room with other people. She’s like, I didn’t do that. She’s like, I looked down the whole time, but it was still a step. And I think a couple months later or a month later, she took off the wig and posted about it on social media. And she really opened up after 10 years of having it. And she’s just like, you changed my life. And her parents were like, thank you, Colleen. You’ve made such an impact on our daughter’s life and stuff like that. And it’s stuff like that. I’m just like, yo, this is why I do this. This is why I have this. This is why I’m going to keep doing this.

Cheryl Crow:

Yes. And there’s a direct corollary in the arthritis world with mobility aids and visible signs of whether it’s a hand compression gloves or a brace. And I really think the work you’re doing, sorry, I just jumped in, so I was so excited. It’s so crucial. I was saying to myself, everyone is hiding behind something. Everyone’s trying to conform to this able-bodied perfect standard, or I don’t even know if you consider the normal body. Or they’ll say, oh, can I have a normal life? No one has, first of all, normal. I don’t want to be normal. I want to be extraordinary. Second of

Colleen Kydd:

All, I don’t want to be normal.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah, normal is boring. No- normal’s overrated. But also, so everyone’s walking around with their either physical wig or metaphorical wig, hiding the fact that we have weakness. It’s never going to change unless people like you are confidently out and saying, yep, this is me. Sorry to change. Isn’t that the name of Jennifer Lopez new? This is me now. That was her documentary. Sorry. I was like to steal from JLo. Yeah, and that’s just, I really do think it takes so much. I grew up, so I’m older than you, but I was born in 1981. I grew up in this, my parents were amazing and my schools were amazing at really trying to give people literacy around unrealistic beauty standards. And you’re not supposed to look like a model, whatever, but it’s hard. I wanted to look like Britney Spears. I thought I was ugly. We all, body image is just a tricky thing.

And everyone has something. I was called, I told my son because he had a thing happening, and I was like, when I was in fifth grade, I was good at school, popular, athletic, but guess what? I had hairy arms. So one of the bully kids called me hairy arms, and I still remember it to this day. And he is like, Hey, Harry, arms, your arms are hairy and would call me the hairy arms all the time, or then hairy legs. My legs were also really hairy. And it’s like, anyway, so everyone’s afraid of showing some sort of weakness or vulnerability or difference, but if it’s only reinforced by everyone else trying to at the same time hide their, you know what I mean? And then they’re hiding everything.

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah, absolutely.

Cheryl Crow:

Then you are out there, and I didn’t know I accidentally did this just by literally just, I think it maybe because an occupational therapist when I was wearing my brace, it’s like, I don’t care genuinely. It’s not a bravery thing. I just literally, it’s like a tool. Why would I not use the tool? I wear glasses? Why would I not wear a brace if I need it? But I get that for most people, they’re less, it’s more emotional. But people would be like, oh, wow, it looks like you’re using that brace without shame. And I was like, I guess my video is about something else, but we’re responding about that. But

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah, I love that though. I love that. I mean, you’ve gotten to a place where you can do that. And now I most times walk into a room and don’t remember that I have alopecia. I’m reminded when people stare at me. That happens every day. But I’ve gotten there through just showing up and doing it. And by embracing it though, you’re going to meet people that are going to make a difference in your life. You’re going to inspire people, and that’s going to give you more purpose.

So I’ve just found that totally embracing it has really helped. And there’s people that’ll come up. This happens. There’s people that, I was at Chick-fil-A the other day, picking up a to-go order for a presentation. I was providing lunch for my business. And this guy, this younger, he was younger than me, comes up, he’s like in a suit, and he’s like, excuse me.

And I’m like, oh, okay. He’s about to, I get stopped a lot. Do you have cancer? All these things. I’ve really found that when people ask me about it, they have a story. I just allow them to share their story. And I hear so many beautiful stories. I hear sad stories, but really, I’m just there for them. I’m there for them. But this guy comes up to me and he’s like, I just have to tell you, you are just so beautiful. And I was like, oh, who me? Thank you. And it’s funny because that happens now way more than it would’ve ever happened if I had hair and I looked normal, and I’m just, I’m like, okay, because I look different people and because I’m so open about it, people are attracted to me, not just physically just attracted to me.

And I am like, I’m here for that. I’ll take that all day. Let’s go. So I’ve just really open about it and the more open I’ve been about it, the more opportunities that I’ve had. I had a boss at one of my corporate jobs be like, Colleen, Bald is your brand. And I hadn’t thought about it like that, but I think I was already using that when people remember who I am, because I don’t look like anybody else. And when people remember you, you can have more opportunities and things like that.

And I’m just like, okay, I didn’t know this was going to happen when I accepted the fact that I had alopecia and decided to be open about it. But if I would’ve never been open about it, I never would’ve known. And I’ve just used that to do certain things and open up doors just like you’ve done with, I mean, how many cool people have you met now because you decided to speak about your experiences?

Cheryl Crow:

A hundred percent. And I think people ask me about on the job, well, what if I need to use a hot pack or a cold pack, or I have an ergonomic mouse that looks different than other people’s, or I have to have a brace or a cane or a limp. And you’re right that, I mean, it takes a lot of internal work or whether you need to have therapy to help with this to really feel that confidence. But it’s like my mom gave me this advice in middle school when I was struggling with worrying about what people thought of me and just knowing I had acne and blah, blah, blah, the stuff that kids and adults deal with it, I guess. And she was like, you wouldn’t worry what other people thought about you so much if you only knew how seldom they did. Everyone’s so worried about other things that they’re not worrying about you. They’re worrying about what other thing about them. We’re all just suffering unnecessarily.

Colleen Kydd:

They’re worrying about, yeah, you’re the person that’s worrying the most about it. And that’s what I tried to think about. I’m the person who’s worrying most about this, and yes, people are going to see it. They’ll think a certain thing, but then they move on with their life. They’re not thinking about you anymore. They’re really not. And when people make mean comments to you or me or whatever, I’m more so the mindset of man, I really feel for that person. I really hope that whatever they’re going through, they can get through because that is a hundred percent about them, and it is 0% about me.

Cheryl Crow:

And I do want to know a little bit of your, I would love to hear about, you mentioned having a corporate job and then now you started your own business. This is your chance to tell us about that because you’re obviously very awesome person who maybe someone listening is like, I want to work with her or figure out what programs does she have and stuff like that. But yeah, go ahead. Yeah,

Colleen Kydd:

Definitely. I worked a corporate job in finance, accounting, blah, blah, blah. For far too long. It never felt like me, but I felt like that’s what you do. That was what I was told, whatever.

And that’s kind of when I was just like, I’m out of here. I’m quitting my job. And I literally left to just travel with a backpack very cheaply, saved up money, and just went and traveled. Then that kind of opened up my mind. First of all, you learn exactly who you are when no one else is around, and you’re making every decision that you’d ever have to make to live by yourself each day. Where am I going to go? Who am I going to hang out with? Blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. So you really understand who you are when no one else is around. And I just came back a whole new person, and I was like, why would I spend more time being unhappy in a job that I don’t like?

And the problem was, what do I do? But I had fallen in love with a camera while I was gone, and I was like, I’m going to be a photographer. So I started just taking pictures of families and I love interacting with people and sharing my story. And so I got to do that through photography sessions and then learn about them and make them feel comfortable. And so I loved doing that, but ultimately I wanted to be a larger business owner, and I wanted to do something that didn’t just rely on me and my brand and me showing up and taking photos.

And I met my husband and we got married, and we decided to start a real estate media business. So if you’re selling your house, you hire a real estate agent. That real estate agent needs photos, videos, marketing materials, any media they need to market themselves as a person or the houses that they are going to be selling on the market is what my husband and I do.

And our team, we’ve got five people, 5, 6, 7 people on our team now. So we’ve built this whole team called Three Palms, and being a business owner for the first time has been challenging, but I love it. And I’m learning, it’s all just a relationship business, and it’s a people thing. Even though we take photos, it is the relationships, and I love that. I think I’m good at that, and I just wanted to be a leader and take control of my own life.

And I think that’s learned from the alopecia. And I learned that you can only be you and no one else. And so you should embrace being that and to not have judgment for others and live a life bold and courageous, and God favors the bold, so you just got to go and do these things. And so we did that. Has it been super hard to start a business and open it and run it yourself and hire employees?

Yes. Do I do I work a lot more than when I worked in my corporate shop? Yes. Yes, I do. But does it feel, do I get the Sunday scaries and does it feel, no, it doesn’t. Even though I’m working harder and we’re just in a growth phase, eventually I’ll lift out of the business and I will have created that freedom. But that’s what I do now. And then this whole world of entrepreneurship is my new obsession, and I’m learning so much about myself all over again. And it all always falls back to lessons I’ve learned before. And anytime I get too far away from that lesson, you learn lessons and then you forget them, and then you’re over here and I have to fall back on that lesson, and I have to learn it time and time again until it goes up like this. But it is peaks and valleys. If you’re on top, enjoy it because you’re going to be right back. Yeah.

Cheryl Crow:

Oh, I so know. Yeah. I started Arthritis Life technically in 2019 to be like a talk show and hoping that maybe I’ll just have it. It’s all on YouTube, and I’ll just maybe have ads on YouTube and just as a little side business and it’s grown, the entrepreneur thing, I was like, wow, watch what you wish for. You might get it. I’ve always been like, if I was my own boss, I would be so amazing. And now I’m like “aah’ but been really, it’s really um, like you said, you work more than if you were in the regular job, but it feels more congruent and it feels more like

Colleen Kydd:

It does. Is this what you do? Yeah,

Cheryl Crow:

This is what I do. Yeah. And I am trying, I do have a little bit of help each. I have one person, Lauren, who’s amazing, but she’s a full-time grad student, so she helps a little bit. And I definitely met a phase just throwing it, oh, I’m going to say it. So it becomes real that I need a team. I needed a full time, at least one other person, because it’s definitely, it’s hard when you know, need more people to grow, but you’re also like, but that’s going to take more time. And so it’s more efficient in the short term to just, I’ll just keep doing it myself. And then you’re like, why am I so overwhelmed? Oh, because trying to do an inhuman amount of work, I’m only one person. So anyway, slow working.

Colleen Kydd:

That’s been a big thing. Yeah, that’s been a big thing for me too. Relinquishing control, taking the time to train other people so that I can do the things that are actually going to grow my business instead of just hamster wheeling.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah. One of the programs I took, or one of, I took a couple of these business programs back in 2020 during the Pandemic. This is the perfect time to develop an obsession, because I was at home and it was like, make sure you work on your business, not just in your business. And I keep coming back, you said that lesson, I need to revisit that constantly. I’m working so much in my business and not enough on the business, so I’m glad you said that today. That is a definitely reminder I needed today. But I think it’s going to be very, for people listening, I mean, a lot of people would worry about working a corporate job with a visible difference, whether that’s right. Oh,

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah. That was a thing. That was a thing I had to get

Cheryl Crow:

Over. You just powered through it.

Colleen Kydd:

Well, when I started my job outside of college, I worked at JP Morgan, big headquarters, and I went in with a wig because when I was an intern, I had hair. So when I went back, I lost my hair. I was too scared for sure. I was like, I can’t show up here bald. I’m at this new job and lots of grown men and women here, and I just, no, I absolutely wore the wig.

And then I, maybe that year, year and a half later, I decided to stop wearing the wig at JP Morgan. And I remember I told my boss that, I’m like, Hey, just a heads up, I have alopecia, and tomorrow I’m not going to have any hair. I have these little hats that I’ll wear or whatever. My boss was, this guy was super strange. He was very socially awkward, and he was just not the right guy to handle this. And he asked some weird questions and I felt uncomfortable. This that is it contagious things that were just really,

And I was just like, you know what, Colleen, take it on the chin. Take it on the chin. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And I really just believe if you don’t go through pain, you can’t be the best you can be. You have to face these things head on. I’m like, just let it go. Show up tomorrow. You were going to show up and just let people talk. And so I did. And yes, it was uncomfortable, but then you start to gain that momentum and people will say things and they’re like, wow. And they’ll share stories with you. And that was another step to me doing that.

And then when I quit that job, moved to Chicago, I interviewed at a new company that was a younger company. It was innovative. It was a startup. I will say I felt like I could be more myself there. That was more of the culture. But I was like, alright, I’m showing up in just my little headband to interview and I’m just, this is how I’m going to show up. So this is how they’re always going to know me. And I did. And they didn’t ask me any questions. They didn’t make me feel any type of way, and they hired me, and that was that.

Cheryl Crow:

Wow. And I’m guessing that maybe that attitude was the same one that you brought to the dating process. How was that?

Colleen Kydd:

Oh, I can talk about that forever, Cheryl.

Cheryl Crow:

I know, I say we’re definitely going to need a part two, just yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can go later longer if you can, but I want to respect I can. Yeah,

Colleen Kydd:

I can. Yeah. The dating was hard. That’s the number one thing I get asked about. When women reach out to me or even men will reach out to me. How do I date? I am scared. And it just goes back to the same thing, how you feel about it, how you present yourself. They’re going to feel about that. And what I disliked to say about it was, this is my weed out factor. I can weed out all the people who are only looking for appearance, who are only really focused on the things that aren’t going to be in line with my core values anyways. Great. I don’t have to go through any heartache, not even going to swipe right or whatever it is on me anyway. They’re not going to walk up to me anyways. And that’s how I went about it. Did it hurt at times?

Yes. Did I? Yeah. Yes, absolutely. And there was times in Chicago when I was on dating apps and I would wear my wig in it, and I did go on some dates where I had to tell them on the date. And nine times out of 10, they were great, great about it. I was so surprised at the responses that I did get. There was one guy that when I did tell him, we had gone on a few dates, and when I did tell him, I could just tell in his eyes, it changed, it changed. He said all the right things. I left. I remember I left and I got on the taxi or Uber and I just started crying. I just knew, and it wasn’t about him. I wasn’t sad that I didn’t get to date this guy anymore. I was sad. It’s painful to feel rejected and it makes you question, is this going to happen again?

And is this how all guys are going to be? Even though I had proof and evidence that wasn’t the case, you do tend to focus on your negative experiences. And what I focused on that, that’s what I felt. I’m doomed. Eventually I climbed out of that and the more I really, really started to embrace it when I traveled and things like that. And when I got back from traveling, I just attracted the right people. And then I met my husband on a dating app. I had no hair. I just looked like this. And he loved how confident I was. I had a lot of guys be like, I just love, oh, confident you don’t give a shit. I love that. I’m attracted to that. I want that in somebody. That’s how I am too. And so I think it allowed me to attract the right people into my life. So

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah

Colleen Kydd:

A couple.

Cheryl Crow:

I mean, I think it is so different having an mostly invisible condition, though not everyone is, again, some people with RA , I know people with rheumatoid arthritis who are wheelchair users or who require, have a very visible gait pattern and a limp, whether or not they use a cane.

But it is, like you said, you set the tone for how, and you set the tone, it does weed people out. And some people, it’s like there is a level of internalized ableism, just like there’s not internalized, sorry, there’s ableism. Just like there is racism, ableism thinking that the able-bodied quote, normal body, whatever that is. Again, no one’s really normal, but some random person, or maybe there’s one average human out there who just, everything is normal about them, or average.

I don’t want to be with somebody who is going to think I’m less than. That’s not going to be congruent with my values at all. And I think that’s a really good reminder to anyone listening, and yet it’s going to reduce your dating pool. That’s great because ultimately, if you’re looking for monogamous relationship, you’re looking for one person. You don’t need everyone in the world to want to be with you, and you’re not going to want to be everyone in the world. You literally don’t want to looking for one person, so you actually want to narrow it down.

Colleen Kydd:

You want to narrow it down. So it’s again, how you look at it. You can control how you feel about it. I’m just like, oh, this is a weed out factor. Who’s somebody who I follow and I have a mentor that I work with.

Cheryl Crow:

Okay.

Colleen Kydd:

His name’s Ryan and a good buddy of his, I’m going to butcher his last name. I’m looking at it now. It’s Nick. I don’t know Nick SI don’t know how to pronounce his last name. I’ll type

Cheryl Crow:

It. Send it to me.

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah. He’s been on a couple of the coaching calls as a guest. I’m obsessed with him. He’s awesome. But when you talk about Able bodies, he’s who I think about. So he was born, or I’m sorry, I don’t know if he was born this way. I think he was born this way. Actually, no, he was born this way with no legs and no arm. He just kind of has one arm and what he’s done with, maybe you’ve seen him, what he’s done with his life and the empire he’s built and the wealth that he’s generated just from sharing his story and really getting into the psychology of the mind and teaching himself how he needs to view his outlook has amazing. And I’ll look at him when I’m feeling any type of way and I’m like, alright,

Cheryl Crow:

Send me his, if you can put his profile in the chat, I’ll put that in the show notes. I always put links in the show notes, so I definitely put your blog in there and that’s wonderful. It’s so true. I, being an occupational therapist, I’ve been exposed to so many people who have, it is hard. I really reject this narrative of overcoming it or we’re all in a constant process of just evolving, but Okay, Nick, okay.

I dunno how to say it, but yeah, it’s really about being, at the end of the day, I say this a lot and it kind of sounds like I’m joking, but I’m not. It’s literally the only thing I know for sure in my life is that I’m here now and I’m going to die at some point. It’s literally the only thing I know for sure. So I literally thought this yesterday when I was getting on the airplane because I struggle with anxiety getting on airplanes typically.

Again, that’s my therapist and I are working on, I don’t want to keep repeating the story. I always do. It’s just a lot of times I feel anxious when getting onto an airplane and I was thinking, do I want to spend my one wild and precious life avoiding everything that makes me anxious? I was doing that kind of bargaining thing, well, maybe I don’t have to go home today. Maybe I can go home tomorrow from New York. And I was like, that’s not a good strategy. You know? Have to get home unless you’re going to take a train, you’re going to have to get on an airplane to get home. And do I want to spend the rest of my life never traveling when traveling is one of my core values? Same thing. Do I want to spend my one wild and precious life? That’s a quote from Mary Oliver.

How are you going to spend your one? I’m just making sure people know that. I don’t think it, I love that. I’m not pretending to make that up. That’s Mary Oliver. But yeah, the poet, what are you going to do with your one wild and precious life? That’s it. Are you going to spend the whole life thinking about, it’s so unfair that you got this and it sucks and no one’s ever going to, those can be true things. It’s not fair.

It’s not fair that – I joke sometimes in the support group, I run in the Rheum to THRIVE. I’ll be like, it’s not fair. There’s people who are serial killers who are a hundred percent healthy and there’s people who are the nicest people in the world and they get cancer and die. Life is not fair. And we can either resist that fact or accept it. We don’t have to like it, but yeah. Yeah.

See, you met your husband and he has a long beard, which I love. Sorry, I’m just sorry if you see my eyes swipe down. I’m not restraining myself from just scrolling through your site. So awesome. And I love that you started your blog from May 21st. It’s called the honeymoon, written December, 2022, published May, 2024. That’s everything that I do. It’s like I started filming this four years ago and then now I’m finally finished. Yeah,

Colleen Kydd:

I stopped the blog when I got back and then just recently I’m like, I need to bring it back. I loved writing, I hated writing, and then I started writing my blog. I’m like, oh my God, I love writing when I can write about stuff that is meaningful and that I like to write about, but it was a practice that helps me get through my day-to-Day life when I write and when I write my blog, I put it out there and it’s helpful to me and it just as well also, am I trying to say, it just so happens that it also, it’s a win-win can help other

Cheryl Crow:

People. Yeah. So

Colleen Kydd:

It’s, I just started doing that again. I’d really like to bring back more my personal brand, my personal presence, because I know that I have a lot to give and all these things that I’ve spent my life studying and understanding about my myself and the psychology of the mind and all of those things. I’m like, they’ve helped me so much and it is my responsibility to not have it end there. I need to share that with other people. I’ve been blessed with it. I want to share that more. And so I’m just trying to actually get back to that.

So I loved that I was able to come on here and talk with you and learn more about the whole RA community through you and my family members and such that struggle with that same thing or similar thing. And I just think that it’s a great big world out there and I just, it’s so funny how much we can relate, even though we have had completely different experiences and diseases.

Cheryl Crow:

So true. I joke it’s called the podcast and the channel is called Arthritis Life, but it’s really just life – struggle, life. Life – Life (laughs) or just, yeah, everyone’s got something Life!

I think that’s honestly been, it’s been wonderful connecting with so many people. The emails I get too, we’re all united by, that’s at least according to the kind of philosophies I follow, that life involves suffering. It doesn’t mean it’s suffering 24 7, I’m not suffering every second of my life, but at some point in most days, we are all going to suffer or experience something uncomfortable and uncomfortable emotion. And that unites, we can use that to unite us to like, wow, that compassion.

Interestingly, Kristen Neff, I mentioned her a lot, Dr. Kristen Neff, she’s a psychologist and specializes in self-compassion. And she’s like, but there’s a three step process of self-compassion. The first is recognizing, allowing what you’re feeling and then giving yourself the compassion that you would give a friend. And then the third step is connecting to the universal human experience of suffering. Wow, I am suffering. This is not just a Cheryl problem we all have, and let’s just give everyone compassion. It’s not just self-compassion weirdly, it’s paradoxically, it’s actually about being like, we all suffer and no one’s life is perfect. A lot of people fall on the trap of, oh, if I didn’t have alopecia, everything would be fine if I didn’t have RA everything. No, no. You would find something else to worry about. I promise you.

Colleen Kydd:

You would absolutely find something else to worry about. Or people say, oh, once I make this amount of money or once I get this house, I’ll be fulfilled. No, you won’t. Fulfillment starts today. It’s really all about your relationships and how you feel about yourself and what you give back to others. And that is where true happiness lies. It’s not things are, it’s, yeah,

Cheryl Crow:

And I do want to be clear, I want to amend that a little bit where I will say some, I think my life, if literally everything in my life was the same, but I didn’t have rheumatoid arthritis, a lot of things would be easier and more comfortable. Not having pain is something I would choose over having pain, even though pain has given me insights. And at a certain point you’re like, okay, I get the point. I’ve learned my lessons. Pain sucks to have. I would prefer not to have it, but what I’m saying is that you would still find something to worry about, not that you know what I mean? I just didn’t want to make it sound like I was saying you’d have, it would eliminate one problem from your life if you didn’t have ra. It just wouldn’t eliminate all problems.

Colleen Kydd:

No.

Cheryl Crow:

Same with alopecia. You’re

Colleen Kydd:

Always going to have problems.

Cheryl Crow:

There is

Colleen Kydd:

No.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, now it’s time for rapid fire questions.

Colleen Kydd:

Okay, great.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah, and this is one of my favorite questions. Honestly. Everything you’ve said should be heard by newly diagnosed patients with any chronic condition, but do you have anything that you, like you said you get contacted a lot. Do you have any kind of best words of wisdom for people newly diagnosed with alopecia? Either specifically or just general chronic illness, chronic thing, difference?

Colleen Kydd:

I think the biggest thing would be seek out others who are ahead of you in the process. Seek out other people who can show you who you can be and that you can get to the other side, or you can get to a place where you understand it more and have ways to cope or get through it, whether that be physical or mental strategies. But find your community. Absolutely. If your family, your friends, they’re not going to understand, but the people who have been through it, they will understand. And that is where you will find your community and that is what will get you through.

Cheryl Crow:

I love that. I really don’t know. So let me know, do you have a favorite? Is there anything it usually ask people with arthritis, do you have a favorite arthritis gadget or tool in your toolbox? You mentioned earlier that you used wigs, and maybe you don’t use them now, but is there any tool or gadget or thing that has helped your quality of life that you use? That’s a weird question.

Colleen Kydd:

I’m sorry. You would get different questions. No, people with alopecia would definitely have things to say. I think you would get different questions, whether it be wigs, makeup can be challenging, eyelashes, eyebrows, things like that. I don’t really tend to do a lot of those things. I just kind of rock it. And that’s where I’ve come out on the other side. But my favorite thing is my little sparkly headband. That’s what I was hoping. Signature. Yeah.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah. Sorry. I was hoping you would say that only because for those listening to the audio podcasts, I do put videos on all the Arthritis Life YouTube channel of every episode. So you can watch the video version to see Colleen’s sparkly headband.

Colleen Kydd:

Yes, those are my signature. I love these. It’s made out of an $18 Amazon wedding belt that I just kind of had stoned. Yeah,

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah, yeah. I love that. That’s perfect. And I’m assuming, I don’t know, I’m somebody who’s so sun sensitive in Florida with I even just being in New York last weekend, it was really, really sunny, and I always wear big sun hats, but do you just put sunscreen on your head or do you have to

Colleen Kydd:

I wear hats in the sun. I wear long sleeve sun shirts and I honestly, and you’re in

Cheryl Crow:

Florida, everyone has to Yeah, that’s not, I guess, really an alopecia thing. That’s just

Colleen Kydd:

A no. Oh my gosh. But I’ve let my scalp burn twice really severely burned twice. And it is bad, bad, bad, bad. Very, very painful. So sorry. Very painful. So yeah, I will not let that happen ever again.

Cheryl Crow:

So

Colleen Kydd:

Pass it.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah, totally easy to happen. And I know men who’ve had, or women who have a bald spot that don’t really realize it or that has thinning and they get burned. And I always, when I do my annual skin check, I have a family history of skin cancer. I’m really, really careful. And my dermatologist is like most dermatologists, extremely detail oriented when it comes to checking my skin. But I’m always go through my scalp carefully, please. Because I used to wear these intricate braids playing soccer day after day after day in the hot sun.

And I would maybe remember to put a little line of sunscreen down the middle, but when you have the braids, you have so many, I don’t want to have this anyway, my therapist would be like, that’s anxiety. But it’s rational to say that this was exposed to your scalp, gets exposed to the sun. So anyway, that’s me justifying my anxieties. Do you have a favorite book or movie or show you have watched recently or all of the above?

Colleen Kydd:

Awesome. Honestly, all I’ve been really listening to right now book-Wise is books about business and entrepreneurship. No, that’s good actually, I think which ones, I think a good one to recommend here though, it’s called The Mountain is You. It’s not about entrepreneurship, it’s about you being in your own way. It’s called The Mountain is You. I think that would actually be a really excellent read for anybody, literally in general. But definitely anyone listening to this, I would for sure recommend that.

Cheryl Crow:

Now, this is me asking selfishly, what’s one of your favorite business podcasts? Listened to a few that I like.

Colleen Kydd:

Oh, great. So I’m listening more to I would love to hear what you listen to. I honestly have listened more to audio books, whether that be, yeah, so I’ve listened to a lot of the Alex, her Moey stuff. I’m starting one right now called Rocket Fuel. There’s some good ones, Cheryl, about learning how you need to relinquish control and grow a team and get out of your own way.

Cheryl Crow:

I need that one. I’m literally like, someone needs to write the book. That’s like how to delegate for control freaks.

Colleen Kydd:

Yes. That I think Atomic Habits has been a good one. I

Cheryl Crow:

Love that one.

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah. But I’d love to hear different business podcast. I listen to some real estate specific ones.

Cheryl Crow:

Oh, right. I’ll tell you offline later or at some point about the atrocious real estate photography that led to us getting an insanely good deal on our first home. We are in our second home now, so we’re not real estate.

It was so atrocious. It was clearly pictures from someone’s iPhone and they had, anyway, I’ll tell you more later, but I’m going to focus on this. But we know that that house, we probably saved $50,000 just from the fact that people probably didn’t even look at the house. The photographs were so inadequate. They didn’t even have photographs of any of the bedrooms. It was a three bedroom, two bath house. Okay.

Anyway, I’m reading Traction, get a Grip on Your business by Gino Wickman. He’s the guy that has EOS entrepreneur operating system. And I like, there’s one Jenna Kutcher, the Gold Digger podcast. She breaks down a lot. She’s really good at the social media thing, aspect of things, and very good for beginners. At first I was like, I don’t need an email list. Why would I have an email list? That’s dumb. No one likes email now I understand.

Oh yeah. If Instagram decides to cut to take away my account, I have 16,000 followers. I have no way to stay in touch with them. It just evaporates. And I’ve seen it happen to friends of mine who also have small micro and stuff.

So those are the two that I’ve listened to the most. But I did take a break. I listened kind of obsessively for a while, and then I took a break. I find now that I like to just listen to humor or pop culture podcast, something to take my mind off of things versus I don’t listen to a lot of other arthritis or chronic illness related ones unless I’m really in the mood. If I’m like, okay, this is because it is taking up a lot of my time already. So there’s a really great one called Normal Gossip, by the way. It’s just hilarious. Real life gossip stories that it sounds like Why would you care? Because you don’t know the people. But it’s really just good storytelling. Everything comes down to storytelling. Yeah, I

Colleen Kydd:

Love that. Love a story.

Cheryl Crow:

Oh, building a StoryBrand by Donald Miller is actually really good too. Is it called Building a StoryBrand? Build a Story, building a StoryBrand, clarifying Your Message so customers will listen. That’s a good one. Do you have a favorite mantra or inspirational saying,

Colleen Kydd:

I feel like I say stuff all the time, but just whenever it comes out of me, I’ll say things all the time, but I think really, and this isn’t like a quote, this is just what I say to myself, but

Just how important it is to truly be your unique self and that nobody else can be you. So it is your true differentiator. It is what will get you ahead. It was what will make you stand out. It is the core to everything you do is just being yourself, because nobody else can do that. And I think that that’s really gotten me far in how I walk through life and how I’ve been able to scale, build and scale.

y business is just by truly embracing who I am and being unapologetic about it and not worrying. We all do, but not worrying about what other people think. And I think that’s a practice and you get better at it and it never goes away. Do I care what other people think? Yes. I don’t think really many people could say that they genuinely don’t at all times, but I found that the more I’ve leaned into just really being myself, the better friends you’re going to find, the better circle you’re going to attract, attract your partner when you’re genuinely yourself. Because people can tell, people know when somebody’s holding things back or not being themself, and people aren’t attracted to that in business life partnership, people aren’t attracted to that. So be yourself and don’t be afraid to do so.

Cheryl Crow:

I love that. I struggle with that when I first started my business in the sense of you said you are the only one that can do what you’re doing. In the sense of, I kept thinking, well, what if someone else has already done this? Or there’s some of this information in my room to thrive, self-paced course. I’m like, well, I’m pulling information together from different sources, but couldn’t patients just find it on their own or something like that. And it’s like, no, no one can. That’s the value is that I am putting my spin on it. I’m selecting and curating the information, putting it in context, making it make sense.

And I have to coach myself on that because you’re hard to be. And a lot of the podcast business advice things I listened to would say that thing where it’s like, yeah, there may be someone else maybe already wrote a book about, let’s say your dream and your life is to write a fictional story about a unicorn that fell in love with the vampire or whatever. It’s just random thoughts and it’s like, well, someone else already wrote a fictional book about, but they didn’t do it your way, the way you, so I think that’s beautiful. Is there anything that’s been bringing Exactly, yeah, anything bringing you joy right now? I mean, I’m sure lot, but

Colleen Kydd:

A lot of things I would say what’s bringing me a lot of joy right now is twofold. It’s growing my team. I have a team. I’ve never been a manager before. And looking at them all as unique individuals and helping them become better versions of themselves personally is something that I love to do because if they’re feeling better about themselves, their life, whatever challenges they’re going through, well, they’re going to be a better employee. It’s going to make my business better. But it also is, I think what the true meaning of life is serving others. It is. It really is. So it does bring you joy selfishly brings you joy when you help other people. So I think really growing my team, understanding that how to do all of that. And then the other would be this personal development coaching program that I’m in right now.

And a big component of it is leadership and speaking on stages. So I’m learning how to kind of craft my signature story and be a better storyteller. And I want to speak on, I say stages, but just platform stages, rooms, whatever, speak to people and just share stories and just kind of find that common unity and things like that. So learning how to do that, and I’ve gotten the opportunity to do that more. And I’m going to do that here coming up in a couple of weeks. And so that’s been bringing me a lot of joy.

Cheryl Crow:

What’s the name of that program out of curiosity? In case anyone?

Colleen Kydd:

It’s through the owner of it, my mentor, his name’s Ryan Zo, and it’s called We Level Up. It’s actually fairly new. He just kind of started doing it. He spent a lot of his time growing a super large business. It’s actually in the drug and alcohol rehabilitation. That’s just something he’s 22 years sober. I don’t have that shared experience, but again, it’s like what he’s gained from that I resonate with, even though I don’t share that struggle. But he’s put on a personal development coaching program just called We Level Up. I

Cheryl Crow:

Found it online. Yeah. Sorry, I’m looking at, I put links, if I don’t think about it in the moment, I’m going to forget. So I’m putting links in show notes to

Colleen Kydd:

All. So we Level Up is also the name of his drug and rehab centers. So I think the link you would look for is ryan zo.com. That’s going to be more of the mentorship side.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah, it’s Unleashed Success with Ryan Zoa, speaker Leader program. Yeah, so interesting. I love it. You are a natural, absolutely a natural speaker. I mean, I don’t even think you probably need to learn that much about it, but that’s just me being optimistic. But also, yeah, I think this is amazing and I’m going to keep following you on social media. Speaking of which, okay, I have one more question before we share your social media profiles, even though we already mentioned it. What does it mean, this is a big one, and you’ve touched upon it already, but what does it mean to you to live a good life and thrive with an autoimmune condition?

Colleen Kydd:

Honestly, I feel like it’s my superpower for sure. It is my superpower. Alopecia is my superpower. It’s my best friend, it’s my greatest teacher. And I would be lost without the things that it’s brought me in my life. So I think what it’s meant to me is it’s actually opened up a whole life that I would’ve never had without it. And I think I’m living a much better life, and I will continue to live a much more fulfilled, joyful life because I have gone through something and will continue to go through things. You go through things that aren’t just related to your ra, but

I don’t think that you can fully experience life if you don’t have the pain and suffering. So anytime that something does come up for me, that is hard. I’m like, okay, this is where you’re building that character because when I got out of this, I’m going to be 10 times better than I was before. So I think that’s just kind of how I think about it. And I don’t know if that exactly answers No, it does. The unique question you asked, but it is my superpower, and that is how I feel about it, and I’m very grateful for it. And when I think about it that way, when I think about it that way, I feel, I feel good. I feel it. That’s what I mean when I think about it the other way, I feel too. So through repetition, I’ve been able to train my brain and it’s made my life wildly, wildly better and brought me things beyond my wildest dreams. And so that’s why I call it my superhero superpower.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah, I love it. I mean it underneath that as I’m listening is this idea of living in harmony with it, not seeing it as an enemy and seeing what it can bring you. And that’s I think, a really profound mind shift from this mind shift of my whole life is about controlling my symptoms. Or in my case, there’s a lot of different symptoms. There’s fatigue, there’s pain, and stuff like that. And for me,

Colleen Kydd:

Which I don’t experience,

Cheryl Crow:

And I think for me, I have found it more helpful to be like, this is along, these symptoms are along on the ride with me, but I’m driving the bus. I’m choosing where we’re going. I’m not letting these symptoms dictate my whole life. And it is easier to do, in my case with RA, when you have more mild to moderate disease activity, it’s a little harder when it’s more severe. But anyway, I think that, yeah, I seeing what it’s brought to you, seeing the positive is a very mentally healthy outlook of Cheryl. You have Cheryl Crow’s stamp of approval, which means nothing officially, but it means everything subjectively. So where can people find you online?

Colleen Kydd:

So they can find me on Instagram at Bald Girl, big World. Okay, perfect. That’s where you can find me. I just opened up the whole new world of TikTok two days ago because I’m planning, you’re

Cheryl Crow:

Huge. I love it. I’ll follow you, I’ll follow you.

Colleen Kydd:

Oh my gosh. And that is actually under Colleen Kydd, my name. And honestly, I’m thinking of rebranding my blog would say Bald Girl, big World. But I think I am thinking of changing my handle just to be Colleen Kid. I want to be Colleen Kydd and then Bald Girl, big World is like my tagline. Tagline. So I think I might be,

Cheryl Crow:

That’s a hard, I totally see pros and cons in each of those, but I think, yeah, especially if you want to position yourself really as a speaker, they need to know your name. So yeah, that just makes sense.

Colleen Kydd:

Yeah,

Cheryl Crow:

Change to call don’t have extremely long name. That’s all he’ll say. Somebody’s like arthritis life under Cheryl. That’s what I, no,

Colleen Kydd:

No, no,

Cheryl Crow:

It’s too long.

Colleen Kydd:

But oh my gosh. When I opened up TikTok the other day, I’m like, oh, shoot, okay, shoot. I get it because I, I’m planning a trip to Spain and I just typed in there things to do, and I’m like, you can’t do this on Instagram. This search engine for it is like,

Cheryl Crow:

It’s

Colleen Kydd:

A search. Dang it.

Cheryl Crow:

It’s, and there is a very active community on there of people with different health conditions, disabilities, chronic illnesses, connecting, sharing. There’s a lot of great community there. So I think, but it’s a time, it can totally become a time suck. My feed is, I ended up making a second TikTok, like a private, they call it a burner. I’m not actually posting anything. And it’s like that’s all Taylor Swift. And my personal interests had nothing to do with arthritis. Taylor Swift and Japan, going to Japan and all the other stuff. And then my feed was getting all confused. I’m like, I’m on here to talk with people with arthritis. But then it’s like Taylor Swift, it knows the feed knows.

Colleen Kydd:

Yes. Oh, I’m a big Taylor Swift fan as well have been. That’s, I

Cheryl Crow:

Can’t believe it’s taken this long for us to talk about it.

Colleen Kydd:

I know have been the whole time. I’ve loved it. I’ve been to so many of her concerts. When I was gone for those two years, it was 2017 and 2018, and I flew back to the US for two weeks to go to the reputation

Cheryl Crow:

Was That was your reputation era! Your reputation era. You were like, remember how she says, no one’s heard from me from months. You’re like, I’m going off, but then I’m coming back for Taylor’s Swift. Yeah, I love it. Yes. That was my favorite. I love reputation. Okay, well thank

Colleen Kydd:

You. That was my favorite too.

Cheryl Crow:

Yeah. Oh my gosh, I’m so excited for the rerecording whenever that comes out. Although I’m like, I don’t know if I’m ever going to love the new ones as much as OGs. I

Colleen Kydd:

Know,

Cheryl Crow:

I know. Oh, well, thank you so much again. I feel like we should do a part two at some point, only because I like talking to you selfishly.

Colleen Kydd:

I would love to thank you so much for having me and embracing me in this, even though I have something completely different. And I know there’s differences between the arthritis and alopecia, but there’s also commonalities. So they’re not the same. But there is commonalities there, and I think that’s across humans in general. We can always find something to relate on. So thank you so much for having me.

Cheryl Crow:

I mean, gain diagnosis, something that’s out of your control that affects your social life and your health to some degree is the thing that connects anyone in the autoimmune world. So yeah, I’m very happy to have the chance to talk to you and I’ll see you on social media.

Colleen Kydd:

Yes. Awesome. Thank you so

Cheryl Crow:

Much. Thank you. For now.

Colleen Kydd:

Bye.

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