I recently shared on my “Instagram Stories” (ephemeral updates that only show up for 24 hours) that I was really sad about my rheumatologist retiring, and in my six years of being a patient educator on social media I have never gotten so many responses to the story.
People sent me direct messages about their own grief process when their rheumatologist either retired or moved, or when their insurance changed and they could no longer see their own rheumatologist. It really reinforced to me how deep the bond is between patient and rheumatologist, that it is a truly human connection beyond what one might expect from a “provider” and a “patient.”
I know that so many rheumatologists are bogged down by the healthcare system, whether they’re battling insurance denials or being forced to increase their caseload without extra time/energy because there’s a rheumatologist shortage. I hope that seeing my response and some others will help them know that their work is sacred and crucial for those of us coping with such uncertain, fluctuating conditions.
The experience inspired me to share a more in depth reflection and video about my mixed emotions as I approached my very last appointment with my dear rheumatologist Dr. Jenifer Gorman, whom I had the pleasure of seeing for over two decades.
Here’s what I shared on social media:
My rheumatologist of 21 years is retiring… and I feel a LOT of emotions about it!
I feel so much gratitude to have had her warm and competent presence in my life for so long.
And alongside that, I also feel grief, sadness, and honestly something that feels a lot like a breakup.
During my emotional car ride to my last appointment with her today, I realized that when you live with a chronic illness, your doctor isn’t “just a provider.”
They’re someone who’s seen you at your worst, helped you make impossible decisions, and walked alongside you through so many ups and downs, ESPECIALLY in rheumatology where there is so much uncertainty.
There also is a shortage of rheumatologists and many in my area aren’t even accepting patients, which adds a layer of stress to this already emotional time.
I shared this recently in my stories and was flooded with messages from people saying, “I went through this too.”
So I want to say: if you’re grieving a doctor relationship, that is valid.
I talk a lot about “partnering” with your doctor, but this experience has reminded me that for some of us, it’s not just a partnership, it’s a relationship.
You’re not “overreacting,” you’re human and your grief is valid (side note: why is it SO much easier for me to say this to others than to myself)?💚
If you’ve been through this, I’d love to hear your experience. Thank you to those who’ve sent sweet, supportive messages today, I love this community.
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